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Posts Tagged ‘acceptance’

I just have to laugh

Today I called my best friend, Rob, and chatted for just a minute.  When I got off the phone I had this paralyzing feeling, I have upset her some how.  Now first let me say that I have not spoken to Rob since Wednesday when we had a delightful coffee break before work.  I left her feeling encouraged and ready to face a new day.  I always leave feeling blessed to have a friend who understands me.   I knew there was nothing I could have done then, her birthday is in July, anniversary in January but still I thought I have done something.

The old Ruth would have not called and asked, worried all day and come up with 100 different things I could have done or not done but I have changed.  I feel totally secure with Robin, I know she is a friend for life, in it for the long haul, she has dug a trench beside me and is with me during the good, bad and ugly!  People, she knows it all and keeps loving me!  All this to say, I text her and asked if she was upset with me.  She immediately replied, NO, she was concerned about another thing in her life (imagine it is not all about me, lol)  and there was nothing I could have done to upset her.  You know my heart let out a sigh, but the best part was that I knew if I had done something she would tell me, we would work it out and be all good.  We have both grown as individuals and it has made our friendship stronger.

I realize how my insecurities have kept me stuck for so long.  I worry about things that have not happened.  I make things up that may have happened or could happen.   (HOW DUMB AM I?!?)  The Bible says to take your thoughts captive, when  you think about things know that they are true, honorable and of good repute.  As I take my thoughts captive, act in a mature manner, and I  am willing to be vulnerable, risk and be honest God rewards me each time.  I feel so safe with Rob, I know she loves Jesus first and is looking out for my good.  She tells me the truth and pushes me to Jesus.  When I saw her text I just started laughing.  I could have ruined my ENTIRE DAY over nothing!!!!! Thank you Jesus for Your unending mercies!

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My friend Mel

I have a few close friends who I share my life. I have learned over the years to only share with those that are safe. I want to tell you about one of those friends.

Growing up a preacher’s kid there was a lot of pressure. I am not sure that I saw it as such at the time but I was a very responsible kid who felt I must be perfect. I went to church with Mel but I don’t think I really knew her until we went to Jackson Middle School. Mel and I became instant best friends. She had no expectations of me, she was so fun and took me just for who I was. When I think of her I just smile. We were living high on life in seventh and eight grade. At that age I had little fights with my friends and I was easily hurt. The joy of my friendship with Mel was that we NEVER EVER fought. We were inseparable in seventh and eighth grade. She was very pretty and popular. I had no confidence, dressed poorly and really was always on the fringe, she never cared. She treated me with such respect and love. She never cared that I was not popular, that my dad was a preacher or what others thought. I always felt truly loved and accepted by her. I know she would have stepped in front of a car for me if need be. Those two years were probably the funniest years of my youth.

We were friends in high school but really ran with different crowds. She moved and then came back. Even though we hung out with different people we always knew each other would be there at the drop of a hat. We were in each other’s weddings. Over the years we have seen each other through many different difficult times. Because we do not live near each other we will lose touch but the moment we talk it is like never being away.

I have always held things in, I had never shared my deepest hurts with anyone until one time when I was home for a vacation. I was in my early thirties. Someone in my family hurt me deeply. I went running to Mel. My pain was so deep and at first I could not tell her what was wrong. I gave her some surface details but could not tell my deepest hurts. I will tell you I got drunk at her house that night and probably for the first time opened up and shared my hurts. I sobbed in her arms and said everything that was hurting. That night she just let me cry and talk. She never tried to give me a solution, she just loved me. I went home the next morning shaken by my feelings but loved by Mel. She gave me the courage to keep moving.

Recently we talked. It had been several years since we had talked. As we started talking I asked Mel how she was and was digging around in her stuff. I did not realize, but every time she asked me about mine I deflected and said all was okay. Laughing, she said, oh no, you tell me how you really are and stop turning it back to me. I realized she was right, I was not really sharing what my life was like and where I had been or what was happening today. Because I felt completely loved and accepted by her I felt safe to share it all. (This time I did not need to be drunk to share the truth with her.) I think she got more than she expected, I left no stone unturned. I felt no judgment, she did not give me advice, she did not quote scripture at me, she just said, Oh Ruth! I am so sorry. I love you and thank you for sharing. It meant a lot to her that I was finally real. It meant a lot to me that I could be real with her. She is a true picture of God loving me unconditionally and comforting me.

It is funny and sad we have not talked since but that afternoon I would not trade for anything. My thirty four year old friendship is stronger than ever. She has loved me fiercely since we were twelve. I hope Mel knows that I love her just as fierce. I know if I called Mel today and told her I needed her she would drop everything and come running. I know one day I will make that call and I know she will come.

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Parents

I am so proud of my folks.  They keep moving.  They get tired a little quicker but they keep moving.  They went on the Snake River in a boat.  They went all over the National Park looking at wildlife.  My parents are fun.  I love their sense of humor and their vest for life.  They love nature, beautiful art, and sculptures but the thing they love the most is relationships.  They truly love people.  They gave us all a gift when they taught us to  accept all people.  They do not judge.  They love the  humble and love the person who has messed up.  They love the underdog.  They gave me a gift in learning to love.

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I REFUSE to be discouraged.  I am having the weirdest internal battle and right now I am winning.  Candace is at a difficult time in her life and it is very easy for my mind to go to the fact that IN THE PAST I was not as involved as I am now (that is the short version)  What I feel like the Lord keeps showing me is that if I let myself feel sorry for myself and how I was in the past then one more time the focus is on ME not Candace, how selfish that would be right now.  I have Godly sorrow about the past but have Godly hope for the now and future!  During my great change my focus was me BUT NOW God is making it so easy to get the focus off me and on to others.  Candace needs me right now and I love that I am at an emotional place to be there for her. 

I am weary on a day to day level becuase of the issues Candace is going through but have an underlying excitement that God is using these situations to make us all who He intends us to be.  I love her and am so excited that I can love her right where she is at, truly accepting that this is part of God’s plan for her.

Please pray that God will give us practical ways to help Candace with confidence and her academics.  We are asking God to give us a plan.

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