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Posts Tagged ‘God’

I am really not sure what God is trying to say to me, but He has my attention.  I really thought I was getting it, but maybe not.  Yesterday I had my second iron transfusion.  I expected today to be my good day before the side effects started to happen.  When I woke up my leg was hurting and when I put my pants it hurt for the material to touch my leg.  When I looked at my leg it was swollen and  gross looking.   Keith looked at it with concern and we decided I might need to go see a doctor because it hurt just to stand much less train people on concrete floors.

I was at the doctor by 8:00 a.m.  My doctor just happen to walk by and agreed to work me in.  He looked at my leg and was afraid it was a blood clot.  He had it ultra sounded and was blessed it is just a varicose blood clot (phel-something) not the dangerous kind that puts you in the hospital and can kill you.  He said I need to elevate my leg above my heart and put heat on it.  HE SAID I COULD NOT WORK FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!  I was so angry I started to cry. 

I am home, my leg is up, my toes are so long I cannot see the TV over them!  I am trying to hear what God is saying.  My friend, Darlene, (she is the one I call and cuss at when I am upset, okay she is one of the ones) said, “Your entire life has changed in the last five years, you started running and have not stopped.  Maybe God is trying to slow you down.”  Well, she may have a point.  I am tired and I may have been trying out for Super Woman wanna be.  I have always wanted to lay around and now that I can, I don’t wanna.  (Do you hear the whine?) 

Tomorrow I am having an endoscopy to see if I have an ulcer.  I really don’t think I have one but the doctor thinks it is necessary. 🙂

 Did I mention I have to wear support hose?  I think that is what threw me over the edge!  I am 46 years old.  Truly, I am asking God to show me whatEVER He wants me to see and I will try my best to be obedient.

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Today I got up early and started praying.  My prayer was that I would be brave.  I did not want to go to my iron transfusion because  of the fear of not feeling well the rest of the week.  I whined a little, felt a little sorry for myself but knew I had to go so I could ultimately get better.

The nurses were running a little behind.  There were six people there getting chemotherapy.  I just cannot tell you what a humbling experience it is, not to lessen my problem  BUT IT IS MUCH LESS OF AN ILLNESS and COMPLETELY CURABLE.  I talked with a woman who had Stage 4 cancer, others were quiet and thoughtful.  We all slept off and on.  It was basically uneventful for me until I was startled awake.  One of the chemo patients had an allergic reaction and was having problems breathing.  I started praying for the sweet woman.  As they got her stable my heart beat started to slow again and I started to thank Jesus for helping her and me.

I got home, tired, but at peace.  Nothing I will go through will be to the degree of those I was with today.  I got a good report on my Iron.  It is up to a 9 from a 5.6.  I am working toward 12-14.   Another one of my numbers was up from a14 to a 29, working towards 35-49.   I may have a few bad days but it will put me a couple of points closer to being better.  I am counting my blessings, I am on my way!

Our church provided a meal through a sweet family.  It was such a blessing to my family.

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My parents are coming tomorrow for Thanksgiving.  Kayla is coming home tomorrow night (I cannot wait to love on my sweet girl.  We are glad she likes school, but we miss her BAAAADDDD!)  My sister, Susan, will be coming around the mountain on Wednesday.  (she lives in Asheville, North Carolina)   I have made her two batches of Chocolate Chip Cookie dough and frozen it so we can have hot cookies while she is here!  Sue and I love to snuggle up, watch movies, and eat cookies!!  WE ARE SO EXCITED TO HAVE EVERYONE!

Keith has been so wonderful helping me get the house ready. Physically I just have not had the energy and he has really done all the little things he knows means a lot to me.

My brother, Jim,  lives in Swaunee, Georgia.  He is taking over the turkey cooking.  He is an amazing cook!  Melinda, his wife, is making squash casserole.  (She is a southern cook! woohoo)  My mother-in-law, Carolyn, is making her yummy sweet potatoes with brown sugar, butter, and pecan topping; her scrumptious pumpkin gooey dessert,  and fresh green beans.  My mom is making the dressing and pecan pies.  Susan, my sister, is making the gravy.  You know what that leaves for me to do?   You guessed it, NOTHING!!  Well, I may have a few suggestions to make along the way.  (I have been accused more than once of being bossy in the kitchen)

I am planning on taking it easy and enjoying the family.   I am making my daddy chicken pot pie, apple pie and Jamaican Pumpkin Soup (all his favorites) for his arrival!   Knowing they are all coming makes the aches and pains not quite so painful!  It is so exciting !!!

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Well yesterday was a great feeling day.  I had a mild headache and a little tired but lasted until about 5:00 and then I gave out, curled up in the bed with Candace and watched Say Yes To The Dress, Split Ends we had TVOed, and then read many post on the pioneer woman‘s blog.  She is really funny, real, and creative.  Candace and I laughed at her six post on burping (ewww), followed her stories on her friends, family and her chaps wearing husband.

I woke up in the middle of the night really achy and could not get comfortable.  Keith rubbed my back and that seemed to help.  This morning the stomach flu like symptoms they talked about have finally hit.  It is not terrible just doesn’t feel very good. 

I keep thinking of Lucy, the breast cancer survivor, I met at the doctors and realize this is nothing to what she is going to be feeling this next week.  It does not make by aches less but it makes me put them in perspective.  I will not whine, I will not whine, I will not whine, I have a COMPLETELY reversible condition!

I have decided to skip the treatment they said I could have Tuesday.  I really want to enjoy the time with my family.  I will pick the treatments up the next week and be done with it by the middle of December.  Wooohooo!

I may move a little slower today, okay I may not move very much today, but I am thanking Jesus that I am going to be feeling better this next year!  It is pretty exciting to know I will have more energy and feel better than I have for the last two years!

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I had my first iron transfusion.  I just kept thinking about other things until the time came and then took a deep breathe and went in to the office.  It is a very humbling place.  I have severe anemia but I sat next to a woman getting chemo who had breast cancer and this was her 33rd week of radiation and chemo; across the room the woman had stomach cancer.  She just finished her third round and would start radiation soon.  They had wonderful attitudes and were very kind people. 

They told me to eat a little before I came in, so I did, but only a little because I was a little nervous.  By the time they got my IV hooked up I got a chill and could not make my body quit moving.  They were giving me something in my IV for itching and stomach upsetness first.  I had two blankets on but the lady, Lucy,  sitting next to me said, You don’t look so good are you okay?”.   I was not sure, I was the coldest I have ever been when inside a building.  Lucy  got the nurse and she gave me two heating pads and a couple heated blankets.  I closed my eyes and let the Benadryl work its magic.  As I got warmer, I got sleeper and my body quit moving.  I took a nap and woke up warm and toasty!  (hope I did not snore:))

The iron took four hours to drip in.  It was not painful.  The staff is amazing and could not have been kinder.  They all had a genuine concern for each patient there.  They told me to take Tylenol, which I had to tell them I could not.  They were not sure what should be done in case I get the flu like symptoms that apparently a lot of their patients feel in the first 48 hours.  I told them we would wing it and if I needed something desperately I could always call the doctor on call.

When I left I was a little tired but mostly I could only dwell on what a POSITIVELY GREAT experience it had been for me.  The cancer patient were amazing, their spirit was so encouraging.  Lucy was reading The Shack and we talked about the Lord after I woke up.  She had a wonderful attitude about her cancer and made me want to have a wonderful attitude about my TOTALLY correctable problem. 

I am not counting on the aches and pains.  If they come, they come, but I am planning on getting rest, being positive, and remembering my blessings.  God is using this anemia in my life.  I am really trying to listen to what He is saying. As I was walking out of the office a magazine caught my eye.  It is a magazine for cancer patients.  The lead article, in big BOLD letters was, “Yes, you can slow down”; do you think that might have been in my path for a reason.  I am not sure, lol,  but I am going to read the article and see.

I wish I could say G-R-R-R-R-R-R EAT like Tony the Tiger!

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Mixed blessings

Last night I was really tired and discouraged. Everything looked blue, well not this morning. Guess what? I woke up with praise on my mouth!

A few years ago I had insomnia for two years. I never ever slept more than 3-4 hours a night. It was a very productive time, lol, but I was miserably tired. Well, not any more. I am sleeping like a baby! When I woke up this morning I was still a little tired but I only got up once in the middle of the night and went right back to sleep. Sleeping is such a blessing for me.

So I started thinking about the other blessings from the anemia. Yes, blessings, so here are a few:

1. I feel so loved by everyone. People have been so caring and concerned.

2. I am going to feel like a new woman by the New Year. Who would have thought you could inject that? I am not sure what a new woman will feel like but I am ready!

3. You get into see doctors really quick. You get put at the head of the line in the office. I have hardly waited at all. 🙂

4. You meet people with knowledge that will help you.

5. I am learning ways to take better care of myself.

6. I get to work less, scary blessing but I am going to call it a blessing? I am going to have to work on that blessing. It is a little scary to have your income almost cut in half but I have been asking God to direct my career. (NOT EXACTLY HOW I MEANT GOD, but thank you)

7. My husband has been INCREDIBLE. He has shown his love and commitment to me daily.

8. People have brought us great meals. I have not felt like cooking and really do not need to eat out when I am making less so it has blessed Keith and I both.

The list is long and I will keep adding to it?

Do you have mixed blessings you can share?

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Medical Update

First, I just want to say how wonderful everyone has been to call me, blog me, email me, pray for me, bring me meals. Keith and I have been so blessed by our friends prayers and support. When you are going through tough times it makes you realize how much people love you and care for you, it is very humbling.

After a restful week and weekend I went to work for a couple of hours and then have been to two specialist today.

Dr. T, the Gastroenterologist, agreed with Dr. Davis that I was very fortunate to have been standing and functioning at the levels I have with the anemia. He thought the blood transfusion was good but that we was not sure we could get my iron up to an acceptable level by taking iron and felt I need to go to a Hematologist for Iron transfusions. He is also going to scope my stomach for ulcerations on December 5th.

Two hours later I went to see Dr. Smith who also concurred and shook his head with amazement. He said my Fariten levels were a 10 th of what they needed to be and that it did not show a registrable number. He said he really doubted I could get up to an acceptable number without the Iron transfusions. He said I may need one every year to keep me boosted up. He ordered 12 other blood test to see how my other vitamins and things looked.

I am waiting on an appointment time with the Hematologist.

I was glad Keith was with me because it is all a little overwhelming for doctors to say it is a miracle that I have been able to function. As I have rested the last five days I have been able to feel my body and not give those feelings a brush off with an excuse. I have been tired, my breathing is labored and I have a lot of short headaches. The great thing about feeling those things is that I know I have a real cause not just that I am stressed and/or depressed. The greatest feeling I have had has been thankfulness.

I am so thankful that God has been merciful and all the bad things that apparently could have happened have not and though it may take some time I should feel tremendously better! Oh, how God loves me!

How have you seen God’s mercy in your own life? Please share….

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