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Posts Tagged ‘God’

 

Here is the short version:

I went to the doctor for one  thing and came out–

I am critically anemic,

Level is 5.7, should be 12-14

I had a blood transfusion on Wednesday,

           levels should rise 2 points

I am either  vitamin deficient or am bleeding

           internally, most likely a little of both

I am having additional test done to find out

I cannot exercise not even walk for a while,

           maybe up to three months  (craziness)

I really believe I will be fine.

I am taking vitamins and iron.

I  have great  family and friends. (two nights this

     week people brought us  dinner)

My husband has been amazing!  He has been

     beside me this entire week, holding my hand.

I am to rest until Monday.  I should feel less tired with the transfusion.

God is good.

The long detailed version is below. J

My daughter, Kayla, reads my blog and so I have had to be silent about what I have been going through this week because she had two big test in college and I did not want her to worry about me.  So I have told my closest friends what has been going on.  Kayla’s tests are over so I can share now.

When my doctor told me Monday I was anemic she was very upset because my number was a four.  A four means nothing to me, but then she told me normal was between a 12-14.  She asked me if I was tired, been dizzy, fainted, bleeding excessively and/or breathless?  I had blogged the day before and the title of my blog was “I AM TIRED”, so I said yes to tired, I had blogged a while back I could not get my breathe but I thought it was stress related.  Sunday I had worked out and was breathless and almost threw up and almost fainted.  So I pretty much had had all these symptoms but attributed them to working too much, not working out enough, breathless because of being de-conditioned and stress.

I then went  to see my beloved family doctor and he ran more tests.  The more definitive test came back at a 5.7 which he said was nothing to brag about.  He said you need a blood transfusion tomorrow.  That is pretty extreme and then he adds that I can do NO strenuous activities until my number gets up to a 10 at least.  Hmmmm, I AM A PERSONAL TRAINER, I am all about strenuous activities.  I tried to pin him down and said, no heavy weights right?  He said I could not even walk for a while.  He wanted no stress put on my heart.  He said it was having to work hard enough but we would talk later and  maybe I could walk soon.  I really cannot wrap my mind around that one, but the serious of the anemia is starting to set in.  THIS ANEMIA IS A BIG DEAL, I have to take it really seriously.    I asked if people I knew could donate blood and he said,  “No, there isn’t time for that.”  Now I am getting breathless from the his sense of urgency. 

I went to the hospital and got my blood typed and they did more blood work.  Apparently, the hospital did not know my previous numbers because at 8:00 p.m. that night a doctor called and wanted to know why I was not in the hospital with such critical numbers.  The doctor explained her concern, when you are this anemic you are either seriously vitamin deficient or you are bleeding internally.  She asked me a series of questions and made me promise if I saw blood anywhere that I would come immediately to the hospital.  She was very kind but scared the crap out of me. 

Today I went and had the blood transfusion.  On the way there I got this thought, “Whose do I have?,  I wonder if inmates give blood?  What if an axe murderer gave me his blood?  My sister in law pointed out it could be a nymphomaniac or a vampire, my sister said she heard that you took on the other person’s personality within a year.  I texted her back and told her she better sleep with one eye open.  I did not tell my husband about the nympho because I was afraid he would be disappointed by the outcome.

The nurses were great.  One nurse told me it was a small miracle that I was walking in and not being wheeled in.  She said it must have happened over a long period of time and my body had adjusted as time went on. 

It is a small world, a nurse and I  started talking about books we liked, first secular and we then got to Francine Rivers, Redeeming Love and we knew we were both Christians.  She told me that she went to Woodstock First and I mentioned my dad had spoken there a few months back.  Her eyes got big and she started to cry.  She told me that she did not get saved until she was 40 and that my dad’s sermons on prayer were the first time she had heard that she could really communicate with God on a personal level.  We hugged and I thanked her for telling me.  My dad is special to me, but it was so good to hear he had touched someone elses life.

Six hours later I was on my way home.  The doctor and the nurse said there is a chance that I will feel more energy in the next 48 hours.  My number should rise two points and give me a good start back up.  I have appointments with GI doctors on Monday for tests.  They will see if there may be a small internal bleed or if it is just vitamin deficiency.

God is good.  Things could have gotten worse very quickly.  I never fainted, my heart did not give out and I am on the way to better health.  I am sure I will be blogging about the emotions of not exercising but enough for now.

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Keith

Keith

This morning my husband called me on his way to work and said, “Don’t forget we need to go over our finances tonight.” At this moment the the heavens opened up, the angels wings started to flap and all of the heavens started to sing the hallelujah chorus! My heart was singing with them.

Let me back up and say that for the last year has been a very difficult year for my husband and I. We have been married 27 years and this last year has probably been one of the most difficult. We have always struggled with our finances but really never dealt with why we had the struggles. This past year we started delving in to all the areas of our finances and the areas we both needed to work on. It has not been pretty. On the surface we were much happier when we lived in denial and did not face some hard truths. Our flesh has been screaming and we have not wanted to make the changes that needed to be made. We can thank Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University for the openning our eyes. At times I admit I have called him Dave Damn Ramsey when I wanted someone else to blame for our pain. 🙂

Our committment to each other had not changed, well maybe it had, we were now committed to loving each other enough to tell the truth, even when it hurt like hell. We used to say that we loved each other the way we were and accepted each other but we now realized that to love someone like they are does not mean to leave them where they are at. Tough love is tough, you cannot let up when it gets ugly. You have to be committed to the truth. For us, it felt like someone was peeling our fingernails off one by one, but we kept telling the truth and dealing with all the feelings that go with it.

My husband is a great man. He loves God and his family. He is faithful as the day is long. He is a hard hard worker. This one area was one that he really did not want to deal with and was quite stubborn about. It hurt me deeply and I could not let it go because I knew it was going to cause us greater problems down the road. We have fought through this hard time and I feel after a year we are coming out the other side more in love with each other and more committed to following Godly principles. He has changed us both in the process. We are both taking responsibility for our part in our past mistakes but more important we have formed a team to conquer this huge mountain. This entire process has been very humbling for my husband and he has handled with true character. It took a baseball bat (figuratively speaking) at times and then it took God’s love and my acceptance to bring him to a place of humility and willingness to change. The thing I love about Keith is that he loves me and has been willing to be put through the fire to be what his family needs him to be. You cannot ask for more.

So this morning when Keith brought up the finances without me hinting or prodding my heart started singing I was sure I could see the angels singing with me!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujahhhhhhhhh!!!

Keith and me

Keith and me

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Gloom–I love that word :)

 

One of the hardest things has been for me to accept that I disobeyed God’s word, I sowed seeds of disobedience and have reaped some hard labor, chains, prison (in my mind) and that God is willing to deliver me and set me free.  When I cry out to Him, He delivers me from my distress and breaks the chains that bind my heart and mind.  My natural self says I  don’t deserve His mercy and His rescue, I made mistakes and should be punished for the next ten years.  

He has been waiting for me to call on Him and so He could bring me out of my deepest gloom.  (Gloom is a great word for where I have been)  I am so humbled that He is so loving and forgiving.

It is important to know, my circumstances have not really changed that much, I don’t see any easy resolve on a day to day basis, BUT my prospective has changed,  I see God, His love, His patience, His hand of mercy.    I am truly blessed, things really could be worse. 

My joy today is not that there is no problem, my joy is that God has been merciful and kind.  He has been a loving Father who have forgiven and not given us what we deserve.    I see over and over how He delivered people and set their feet on higher ground.  I cannot stay depressed when I look at the past miracles He has REPEATEDLY performed for me and mine.  I must press on, believe in the unseen, trust in my Faithful Father.  I don’t know what He has instore, It may take ten years to resolve my problem BUT I know there will be joy, peace and love with God my Father walking with me.

Psalms 107

for they had rebelled against the words of God

and despised the counsel of the Most High.

So he subjected them to bitter labor;

they stumbled, and there was no one to help.

THEN THEY CRIED TO THE LORD IN THEIR TROUBLE,

AND HE SAVED THEM FROM THEIR DISTRESS.

HE BROUGHT THEM OUT OF DARKNESS AND

THE DEEPEST GLOOM

AND BROKE AWAY THEIR CHAINS.

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Psalm 107:4-14

Some wandered in desert wastelands,

finding no way to a city where they could settle.

They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away.

Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,

and he delivered them from their distress.

He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle.

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men,

for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,

prisoners suffering in iron chains,

for they had rebelled against the words of God

and despised the counsel of the Most High.

So he subjected them to bitter labor;

they stumbled, and there was no one to help.

THEN THEY CRIED TO THE LORD IN THEIR TROUBLE,

AND HE SAVED THEM FROM THEIR DISTRESS.

HE BROUGHT THEM OUT OF DARKNESS AND

THE DEEPEST GLOOM

AND BROKE AWAY THEIR CHAINS.

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Ps 77

I will remember the deeds of the Lord;

yes,

I will remember your miracles of long ago.

I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

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I just have to laugh

Today I called my best friend, Rob, and chatted for just a minute.  When I got off the phone I had this paralyzing feeling, I have upset her some how.  Now first let me say that I have not spoken to Rob since Wednesday when we had a delightful coffee break before work.  I left her feeling encouraged and ready to face a new day.  I always leave feeling blessed to have a friend who understands me.   I knew there was nothing I could have done then, her birthday is in July, anniversary in January but still I thought I have done something.

The old Ruth would have not called and asked, worried all day and come up with 100 different things I could have done or not done but I have changed.  I feel totally secure with Robin, I know she is a friend for life, in it for the long haul, she has dug a trench beside me and is with me during the good, bad and ugly!  People, she knows it all and keeps loving me!  All this to say, I text her and asked if she was upset with me.  She immediately replied, NO, she was concerned about another thing in her life (imagine it is not all about me, lol)  and there was nothing I could have done to upset her.  You know my heart let out a sigh, but the best part was that I knew if I had done something she would tell me, we would work it out and be all good.  We have both grown as individuals and it has made our friendship stronger.

I realize how my insecurities have kept me stuck for so long.  I worry about things that have not happened.  I make things up that may have happened or could happen.   (HOW DUMB AM I?!?)  The Bible says to take your thoughts captive, when  you think about things know that they are true, honorable and of good repute.  As I take my thoughts captive, act in a mature manner, and I  am willing to be vulnerable, risk and be honest God rewards me each time.  I feel so safe with Rob, I know she loves Jesus first and is looking out for my good.  She tells me the truth and pushes me to Jesus.  When I saw her text I just started laughing.  I could have ruined my ENTIRE DAY over nothing!!!!! Thank you Jesus for Your unending mercies!

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once again

I have been really down and had talked myself into a corner.  I called my mother and started to unload all my woes.  After I finished telling her all the reasons I was miserable I said, I just cannot handle this.  I cannot do it.  There are no answers.”  My mother said,  “First, don’t ever again say you cannot handle something because God is inside of you and and you are basically saying that God cannot handle the situation.”  She continues to give me advice but her voice began to fade because all I could concentrate on was that first sentence.  I realized how right she was.  I had said I knew God was there but I just could not seem to reach Him.  I know that whether I feel Him or see His hands on my life that He is there.  I silently asked God to forgive me and to give me His perspective.   My mom finished up and I told her how right she was and that it was once again just what I needed.

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