My man

Keith my love

I just read Ree’s blog the pioneer woman about her man. It made me think of my man, Keith.

September 2007 until August 2008 we had a tough year. Our marriage was stretched, our own personal growth was pushed to new limits. We have been married 27 years and this definitely was a year of great struggle but great REWARD. We were determined not to give up on working through the problem, it hurt like hell. We learned that loving someone like they were did not mean leaving them there. We fought hard to come out better individuals who made better partners. At times my heart hurt, ached, and screamed in pain. I cried out to God and many times did not feel His presence, but I knew His silence did not mean He was not there.

This was an old problem that just never seemed to go away. Determined this time to get to the root our struggle effected every area of our life. We were distressed, depressed, angry, short tempered, defensive and humbled by all these ugly emotions that were coming out. We both felt rejected and dejected. The cool part is that we NEVER EVER GAVE UP on each other. We were going to duke it out to the death or the victory and we knew there was VICTORY if we kept on working.

In August both our hearts began to soften, we both were willing to accept responsibility for our part, we were willing to keep trying and keep loving. It was exciting to start to see sun light, to start to feel hope and hear loving words.

September we went away and that was the beginning of me feeling joy again. I started to feel light hearted, believing the future looked brighter.

Keith is AMAZING. He is determined to be all that God wants him to be. It is very hard for him when I am not happy, he feels it is a reflection on him as a husband. This area has been a tough one for him, he has had to dig deep and stretch himself to a new level of personal growth. He has been humble and hard working. He just keeps coming back and working harder.

October and November has been my dream month. Keith found what made my heart sing. He has won a personal victory and it has created peace and harmony in our home again. The road will have bumps along the way but we are a team and are sticking together.

When he found out about the anemia last week he has been PERFECT. He has gone to 3 of the 5 doctors with me, he was with me in the hospital, he has bought dinner (he doesn’t cook, :O) he has cleaned and helped me in every way. I feel so LOVED and CHERISHED by him.

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The angels sang hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujahhhhhhh

Keith

This morning my husband called me on his way to work and said, “Don’t forget we need to go over our finances tonight.” At this moment the the heavens opened up, the angels wings started to flap and all of the heavens started to sing the hallelujah chorus! My heart was singing with them.

Let me back up and say that for the last year has been a very difficult year for my husband and I. We have been married 27 years and this last year has probably been one of the most difficult. We have always struggled with our finances but really never dealt with why we had the struggles. This past year we started delving in to all the areas of our finances and the areas we both needed to work on. It has not been pretty. On the surface we were much happier when we lived in denial and did not face some hard truths. Our flesh has been screaming and we have not wanted to make the changes that needed to be made. We can thank Dave Ramsey and Financial Peace University for the openning our eyes. At times I admit I have called him Dave Damn Ramsey when I wanted someone else to blame for our pain. 🙂

Our committment to each other had not changed, well maybe it had, we were now committed to loving each other enough to tell the truth, even when it hurt like hell. We used to say that we loved each other the way we were and accepted each other but we now realized that to love someone like they are does not mean to leave them where they are at. Tough love is tough, you cannot let up when it gets ugly. You have to be committed to the truth. For us, it felt like someone was peeling our fingernails off one by one, but we kept telling the truth and dealing with all the feelings that go with it.

My husband is a great man. He loves God and his family. He is faithful as the day is long. He is a hard hard worker. This one area was one that he really did not want to deal with and was quite stubborn about. It hurt me deeply and I could not let it go because I knew it was going to cause us greater problems down the road. We have fought through this hard time and I feel after a year we are coming out the other side more in love with each other and more committed to following Godly principles. He has changed us both in the process. We are both taking responsibility for our part in our past mistakes but more important we have formed a team to conquer this huge mountain. This entire process has been very humbling for my husband and he has handled with true character. It took a baseball bat (figuratively speaking) at times and then it took God’s love and my acceptance to bring him to a place of humility and willingness to change. The thing I love about Keith is that he loves me and has been willing to be put through the fire to be what his family needs him to be. You cannot ask for more.

So this morning when Keith brought up the finances without me hinting or prodding my heart started singing I was sure I could see the angels singing with me!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujahhhhhhhhh!!!

Keith and me

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I’m blue, how about you?

It has been a hard week on every level, God, homework, work, finances, marriage, friends with losses, exercise, eating. You name it and I have struggled with it. I feel panic rise up and it is hard to breathe some moments. The good thing is I know God is real in each of those situations and willing to meet me, I just cannot seem to reach Him. I am old enough to know this too shall pass. I just hate it at the moment. My energy level is low, my heart is sad and it is hard to keep moving. I am thankful I have Candace at home that demands that I keep moving, to me that is a gift from God. I can be down for myself, but I don’t want to let my kids down. For me that is a safety net that keeps me from spiraling to low.

I am not sure what to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other. Please pray for my heart today and I will pray for yours.

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Get away

Wow! Keith and I went away for two days. We went to the Blue Ridge mountains and stayed in a cabin. The cabin was beautiful, the view was breath taking. There was NOTHING to do but relax. The tv only had home shopping network and HGTV. We brought books and snacks. We read, slept, eat out a few times and had lots of time to talk and _____. Good time was had by all.

We talked about things we needed to air out but did not dwell there long. Just long enough to get it all out and feel we were head in some areas. Mostly we relaxed together. It was really nice.

Coming home was not hard. We had a great time and when we got home Kayla was home for the weekend! What a great way to start the weekend!

God gave us a little time to enjoy each other, enjoy Him, and to constructively get a game plan for areas we want to work on. Keith was perfect. He knows me and he knows what is important to me. We both committed to keep loving and working.

I feel marriage refreshed.

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