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Posts Tagged ‘struggles’

My parents were very good at teaching us not to judge others or think we were better than someone else.  They made me realize that we all have areas in our life that we struggle with, we each have our own “thing”.  The list of “things” is long; drugs, alcohol, food,  anger, jealousy, depression, irresponsible, selfish, unkind, impatience, lust, sex, love of money and the list goes on and on.

I have struggled with my thing for the last 27 years.  It was an issue before,  I just did not realize its significance in my life.  My “thing” is food and my body.  I hate food, I love food.  I eat my emotions.  If you ask me what most of my family or close friends “thing” is I probably know because they have been dealing with “it” most of their adult lives.  Some “things” are more socially acceptable than others.  Some are easier to live with for those around us but our “thing” follows us around and effects every area of our life.  Without dealing with “it” it creeps back up.

I have lost weight, gained weight, lost weight gained weight.  I have been a size 4 and I have been a size 4x.  Socially the size 4 is more acceptable.  What I realize now is that at both sizes I was focused on my body and food.  They were no different on the inside so what I have found now, it never really has gone away, it just is another look, but the same “thing”.   How I look is still an issue, it still plagues me and follows me whereever I go.  I am more socially acceptable now but on the side is still hounds me.

I was crying about my “thing” one time and telling Gog how I did not want this problem.  I could so clearly hear Him ask me, which other “thing” would you like?  I started going down the list, crossing them off one by one.  When I got to a sexual addiction I thoughts, well at least you would be having fun in your pain, but then I started really thinking of the destruction it would cause and/or diseases and crossed it off the list.  At the end there was no other “thing” I wanted. 

When I get upset with people because they hurt me again and again the same way over and over I wonder how could they do that if they love me and then the Lord reminds me, that is their “thing”.  Because my “thing” has caused me so much pain and I so do not want it, it reminds me they don’t want to hurt me, it is their “thing”.  Their heart hurts that they cannot get it right and I realize who am I to not give grace and have compassion.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still hurting and I want it to stop. I love them enough to confront their “thing” and not leave them there.  It is hard to keep forgiving myself for my “thing” and forgiving them for theirs.  Accepting someone, loving them like they are does not mean letting their “thing” go on, no, it means to walk with them as they battle the great big “thing” in their lives, loving them them unconditionally and putting on armor to do battle at their side.

So I ask, what is your “thing”?  Do you struggle accepting others “things”?  Do you think we can ever rid ourselves of it?  To some degree I truly believe we can have victory and conquer our thing, but we must first realize that our “thing” is just the outward manifestation of something much deeper.  I am asking God to show me how to get past the wrapping of my “thing” and get to the root.

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Losing and gaining weight is one of my struggles. Believing in exercise, eating whole foods and a good source of cardio is not enough. I have lived it for four years and after all that time am struggling once again. Truthfully even when I have done everything just right, the struggle was there.

I want to give the right place in my mind, I do not want to be consumed with good or bad food. I just want my eating to be nutrition and move on with more of life. I don’t want my life to revolve around how I look and what I am going to eat. I love exercise, so why is it such a struggle to make room for it in my life?

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